Balance

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13564606_mApril is an anniversary of sorts, for us.

Two years ago my husband and I separated.  A year ago we moved in together.

It’s been a roller coaster the past two years. There has been tremendous amounts of change and transition. Good, mostly, but hard. Really hard. My husband and I both had to learn how to communicate. Our family had to learn how to function  in a new space, and new life style.  Actually we are still learning, I believe it will always be a work-in-progress.

While all of this learning and changing and transitioning as been going on, so has life. The kids have gotten bigger, moved ahead in school, acquired new skills and abilities. Careers have changed. I’ve taken on more outside the house, he’s taken on more inside.

And it’s good. We have a great community around us, my health is uber better, my husband and I have  relationship that has blossomed, we both have great jobs that we love, the boys are in a good school where everyone knows our names and playdates are as easy as walking out the back door.

Life is good…..but I feel like we’ve been operating on crisis mode, and not quite making it to thriving mode.  We have yet to find that sweet spot. You know the one where you think “Boom! I did it! F*ck ya! I got through and day, and accomplished the things I wanted to!” I used to have this feeling. Not everyday but at least several times a week. Now I’m lucky if I have this feeling a couple times a month.  I end most days thinking, “Tomorrow I will do it. Tomorrow I will be better.”  But no matter how hard I try, it’s just not working. Sometimes no matter how hard you try, things don’t work. And you need to step back, re-evaluate, and formulate and new plan.

So it’s time to make that plan and  re-balance my life. I’ll be moving things around. Taking on less outside the home to spend some much needed time with my family. Learning, again, about balance.

Maybe next April I’ll have new anniversary to celebrate. A year of balance attempted balance.